Bojana.


Bojana is this really nice girl who turned 31 today and I’ve spent my weekend doing this 18×24 inch pastel on paper for her. It’s a portrait of her holding a special edition of Czech Zbrojovka 9mm (she has a thing for guns :D ) shooting out a daisy (as she is not just a badass chick, she is also a sweet gentle soul). So there.
If you’d like me to make you one of your own, feel free to ask me for a price.

Fighting Bettas

I have been into drawing phishies lately. Enjoy!

20110914-103011.jpg

20110914-103142.jpg

20110914-103212.jpg

Phoenix (the painting)



Phoenix, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

I decided to share my RL paintings on this blog as well. Here’s something I completed today – glazed and called done. I’ve been working on it over the past year. See what you see in it!

30″x30″ Acrylic on gallery depth canvas. Glazed and ready to find a new home.

Thank you for participating in SHOP FOR BETH sale!

Thanks everyone for participating in SHOP FOR BETH sale! It’s been a great experience to see how many of you care. You’ve all helped raise 150 000 L for Beth. Thank you thank you thank you, and special thanks to all of you who blogged, reblogged and resent the notices out!

Eshi

Hot Customer Alert – Vivienne Darcy

Been a while since I’ve done this!

Caught this babe in my store during SHOP FOR BETH sale. I thought she looked just SWEET, like cheekpinch sweet with a great hair to match the sweet face.

ABOUT SHOP FOR BETH:

50 % off sale on 4 wonderful items – for a great cause. Please read on – this sale lasts only until TOMORROW – WEDNESDAY 3rd at 11 PM Second Life Time.

There are many requests for donations to different worthwhile organizations. Many of these organizations are in Second Life and hold regular concerts and events to gather donations.

Once in a while a more personal benefit is required.

Many of us have a friend in fellow Second Life musician, Beth Odets-Brown. I’ve known Beth for years now and I consider her a good friend. I’ve learned that she had recently undergone brain surgery to remove a tumor. While, from what I understand, the surgery was partially successful in removing the bulk of the tumor, there is still the need for a second surgery. It is risky and experimental but seems to be her only option at this point.

I don’t often go out asking for money for more personal reasons, but Beth is my friend and I do want her around for as long as possible. The goal is to help raise $1500.00 USD for the down payment for her surgery over the next 10 days. Otherwise it may be too late. She may be a stranger to you but if you can look back on your own life and remember the stranger that maybe once helped YOU, perhaps you will find your heart telling you to help another stranger.

$1500.00 is not a lot of money to raise when considering it could mean saving someone’s life and between all of us, it should be a simple task to raise it.

I have put 4 of my most expensive dresses in the store at 50 % off for this cause. If you like them, come get them! ALL the pennies will go to Beth!

This sale will last for 24 hours starting now!

POPI – blue.



POPI – blue., originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Revisiting one of the favorite dresses from 2009 collection, this time in 5 colors with a black instead of a white skirt. POPI contains a top jacket, pants, gloves with cuffs, a beautiful mesh hat pinned into your hair with bold needles and a subtle whimsical detail – a bee ring.
slurl.com/secondlife/bl​ackLiquid/25/62/748

Beautiful image by Julie Hastings, model: blackLiquid tokyoska

AOI TORI in Black and White

For all of you couture fantasy dress lovers, here comes AOI TORI in BLACK AND WHITE.
3x leggings, 3 sleeve lengths, sleeveless + jacket option with 2 different neck pieces and a magical flower hat!

This dress is focused on sleeves and upper body, radiating a bird-like feathery softness that gently caresses your body as you sway in it!
http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/38/62/748

Nebula


The inspiration is – we all need some color to our lives. Be bold and fear not this color explosion – you are the most beautiful celestial flower in the garden of your life. <3
On sale now – TP here: http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/59/55/777

Modavia Fashion Directory Luna & Sole dresses – image by Julie Hastings

I never thought that anyone would be able to create such a clean image of these 2 dresses I’ve created not too long ago. They are very hard to photograph and post-process due to the high detail and fine textures on the skirts. When I saw this I wanted to share, bravissima Julie Hastings, for Modavia Fashion Directory . Models: (Luna Dress) blackLiquid Tokyoska and (Sole Dress) Eshi Otawara/mois. :) x!  Check Modavia Fashion Directory HERE.

Radar Mag Japan Charity Event

My sincerest apologies to Radar Mag for not noticing this press release email sooner. I am posting now, because I hope it’s never too late. Read below!

RADAR MAGAZINE hosts charity events to benefit Japan relief efforts

With the recent earthquake and tsunami in Japan, it’s time for the Second Life community together to help this island nation.

Radar Magazine will be sponsoring a series benefit events in conjunction with the Red Cross. All funds raised during the event will go directly to relief fund to help the displaced victims of this disaster. All funds are held by Tsukino Skytower.

We are looking for designers from all around the grid to be a part of this event by:
*Donating an item or items to sell
*Create a one of kind item for a runway show happening on March 31. The item will later be auctioned off to highest bidder with the funds going to relief fund.
*Make a donation

Items should be original items and not business in a box or freebie items. For wishing to participate in the runway show, we are asking for one of a kind wearable items that can auctioned off for example: a dress or outfit.

This will be a month-long event from March 16 – April 16

A kit will provided to all participants will provided and will include a LM to the event, materials, etc. For questions please contact event manager, Ji Nirvana directly or visit our blog.

Updates on the event will posted at http://japanrelieffund.tumblr.com/
SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/Etorofu/185/171/24

Shocking Wonder

Caught this hot babe in my store – turned out she was getting ready to blog my stuf just as I’ve decided to put her on my blog in a Hot Customer Alert update.
Very well put together, just enough of feminine, butch, dangerous, fragile, addicted and addictive. Love it.

Smoke – PaintO Jie by Mame Nthony
Hair – Boon Jai233
Skin – Redgrave
Collar – Candy Dollinger
Piercings – Aydan Darcy
Lashes – Rhapzody Wilde

Eyes – unique creation by lovely boyfriend who doesn’t sell eyes (but he should :P )

Donate to Japan!



Donate to Japan!, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Dare you, dare you, double dare you! I did – you can too!

<3

AOI TORI (Blue Bird)

AOI TORI (Blue Bird), originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Available here: slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/46/58/748

AOI TORI (Blue Bird) Catsuit Detail

AOI TORI (Blue Bird)

AOI TORI (Blue Bird) - Hat

Hat Detail

RAVEN

RAVEN-v, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

New black-and-whitie.
To be worn as separates or all together as a nice bundle-up coat with skirt.
Perfect for you pro-stylists, the sleeves, skirt and hat of this are your new toys!

http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/43/59/748

Pretty Japanese Dollie



Pretty Japanese Dollie, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Pretty shop visitor alert again!

Chiru Admiral wearing
Mare Vollmar – Kimono
seu Ahn – Hair.
ESUGA – Skin (freebie if I understood correctly)
TENPORA – eyes.

Quote:
[06:07] Chiru Admiral: The artistic production that you make is loved.

=^.^=

Eshi Otawara new logo and slogan

Congrats again, Porter Paquot for earning yourself free 6 months worth of items from the Eshi Otawara brand for coming up with this 2 word slogan “Transcend Ordinary”. Many thanks to KABUKI boutique for fabulous support through this brand update process and for new logo design. x

Come closer fishie fishie!

Snapshot_017

Snapshot_015, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Every now and then I have some really amazing customers walk into my shop and they look so delicious I cannot help myself but to want to take photos of them. Here’s one and the first in what is (hopefully) to become a “hot shop visitor” series.

The hottie in the pictures is Vincent Oddenfen wearing merm av by Bramblethorn Warwillow of DEEPLIGHT Designs, standing (swimming!) against my KELP (gold and moonlight) dresses. I thought the contrast and color match was just dreamlike. My shop visitors sometimes really inspire me! :)

<3 me – new Vday 50L special



, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

new @ Eshi Otawara
SHOP SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/25/62/747

Luna (dress, jewelry, hair)



Luna (dress, jewelry, hair), originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

get it here:
SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/25/62/747
Model: blackLiquid Tokyoska

Sole (dress, jewelry, hair)



Sole (dress, jewelry, hair), originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

get it here:
SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/25/62/747

Dark-Orchid-V



Dark-Orchid-V, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

get it here:
SLURL: http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/25/62/747

Love Girl Dress



Love Girl Dress, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

This beauty is available at the Eshi Otawara Shop.
Photo by: LovelyMiwako Menna
available at : http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/52/33/503

slogan-contest-winner



slogan-contest-winner, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

…Porter Paquot.

Wearing her first win – random pink socks from 8-pack 50L special.

Porter will be receiving free stuff of her choice until July!

See, participation pays off! :D

Stay tuned for our logo update and the winning slogan!

white rose cocktail



white rose cocktail, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

550L

get it here:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/52/33/503

portrait of blackLiquid



portrait of blackLiquid, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

acrylic on canvas, 24×24 inches

Nafta Jumpsuit Freebie!



nafta freebie, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Model: Eshi Otawara
Creator:Eshi Otawara

Jumpsuit in 2 layers – enjoy styling with it!

grab here:
slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/56/17/509

Eshi – Avatar Self Portrait



eshi-avatar-self-portrait, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Wearing Opium. Pretty dollie that makes me and I make her. I felt it was a bout time to snatch her out if SL and immortalize her on canvas. :)

Acrylic on canvas, 30×30 inches.

Permanently discounted to 250L

Thi is one of my Summer 2010 FAVES. Now permanently discounted to 250L! Available in 6 colors: Pink, Green, Gold, Blue, Red/Orange and White.

http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/54/53/503

Eshi-Otawara-slogan-contest



Eshi-Otawara-slogan-contest, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Slogan Contest Annoucement

Are you crafty when it comes to slogans?
Here is your chance to show your brilliance and wittiness by helping Eshi Otawara with the Eshi Otawara female couture brand slogan for 2011!

Official RULES are as follows:

1) It’s completely FREE to participate!

2) Each participant is allowed to send up to 5 (five) slogans via NOTE CARD provided below. Read it carefully and when you are ready just fill out the note card and send it back to Eshi Otawara in-world.

(You can obtain the notecard at the shop entrance – inside the contest board – just CLICK it!  )

3) Slogan will not exceed 7 words!

4) Slogan will not be previously made public – keep them secret so that other participants do not plagiarize your work!

5) Slogan must best describe the essence of Eshi Otawara brand, and may not include any offensive or discriminatory language or any language/message unacceptable to general public.

6) Official entries MUST be submitted from the date of this release until the end of Sunday January 30th 2011, Second Life time. That means no entries will be accepted after midnight on Sunday Jan 30th 2011.

7) you MUST use the provided note card to enter and edit the note card title to hold your FULL avatar NAME.

8) you may NOT re-submit the slogans once you’ve submitted your entry, so think wisely!

9) Slogans you submit MUST be written in ENGLISH language with appropriate grammar, spelling and syntax. CHECK YOUR SPELLING THREE TIMES before you send your entries.

VERY IMPORTANT TIPS:

If you are not familiar with Eshi Otawara couture brand, do your research.  Come to the store and look at the vendors. You are NOT REQUIRED to purchase anything. Talk to people who have been Eshi Otawara customers. Ask them to show you their favorite dresses and outfits. Ask them questions about their experiences wearing the couture pieces – or simply get your own if you wish and have the experience. There is a huge image collection of Eshi Otawara Couture on FLICKR.COM, search it. Search the blogs by many Second Life Bloggers for old posts about releases – all of that can inspire you to think up the best slogan you can think up!

SHOP SLURL:
http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/52/33/503

CHECK online if your slogan is original! You must not infringe on the trademark(s) of any other party!

CHECK OUT THE LOGO BELOW. Eshi Otawara brand colors are RED, BLACK, and WHITE. The Logo depicts a calligraphy brush bleeding red paint. Consider this when crafting your slogans! (for example, a slogan “Think Pink” might not be your best bid!)

PRIZE?
Oh yes, best part. The winner of this contest will simply get every single released item they want in ONE CHOSEN COLOR that gets created for Eshi Otawara brand in the time frame of 6 months (given that the creator doesn’t spontaneously combust and perish into nothingness).
 
That can mean 15, 20, 30, 50 dresses/outfits/shoes/hairs…..until the end of July!
The prize does NOT include any pieces created prior to the winner announcement or past the end of July 2011. The Prize does not include limited releases and/or special items created for special events/auctions/hunts/other.  The winner will be OBLIGED to nag Eshi Otawara in IM and ask for their prize. The prize is NOT transferable to another person. If you are a male wanting to enter, team up with your girlfriend, wife, best friend and have them submit your ideas. Let your talent win something nice for them. :D
Good Luck all,
may the wittiest and craftiest win!

what’s on sale?

what’s on sale?, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Hurrius Grabbitus. :D

SLURL:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/55/17/508

<3

sale

sale, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

oh yes.

http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/56/61/503

black fur bolero special

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black fur bolero special, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

get here:

http://slurl.com/secondlife/blackLiquid/62/35/503

m’pixel lady under the hat.

 

Flowers Within FLowers

Igaly Darkness

Ipkiss Igaly, the winner of my Mix’N'Match contest came up with a design composed of Aria Pompadour Dress, Scorpion Girl Hair, Carved Leather Catsuit, Kuroi and Blossoms. She not only inspired but also helped create the following latest release:

Congrats to Ipkiss, and a big thanks to all contestants who did a marvelous job mixing and matching. You can see the rest of the contestants’ work HERE.

Opium (blue)

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Eshi-blue-Opium, originally uploaded by Eshi Otawara.

Oh the stupidity of traditional celebration and the mutation of aforementioned

With various holidays creeping up – I am re-posting blogs from my website blog template to this blog which will eventually end up plugged in to the website…(I hate making websites and all that crap).

DECEMBER 30th 2009

I just feel terribly stupid. STUPID STUPID STUPID STUPID!
Let me start from the beginning.

I was invited to my friends house for Xmas celebration evening. This was exciting, and fun, and something to look forward to as I dearly love my friends. So that’s that. (Other than that I couldn’t care less about the whole Xmas deal). Now -

I took it upon myself to contribute to the dinner and the food offer by making a traditional winter dish my mom used to make every winter (Sarma – cabbage rolls) and Baklava (the walnut pastry thingie – very eastern, often prepared in Croatian homes at holidays – likelihood of the influence of the Turks, but don’t take my word for it)…

The Sarma stuff is really (by my rough estimate) not *too* hard on the body as it is mostly cabbage and lean meat (as I cook it without much grease if you don’t count 100 grams of large cut smoked bacon which I subtly pick out of my plate anyway), however – BAKLAVA is another story. Bear with me.

On my way back from friends house, I thought about how I’ve learned to ‘celebrate’ things as a good little ‘tradition follower’ – while I might not buy into the religion aspect of the holiday etc, I have come to somewhat accept that people like to celebrate these things and that I shouldn’t really take a dump into their punch bowl – but allow somehow that we all rejoice in our differences and be good to each other – which in the end implies – we are good to ourselves as well. (That’s at least my somewhat non-crystallized definition of a celebration – when people do something that is really good/rewarding for them in honor of something or as a reward to selves for something etc..)

Now – what prompted this particular thinking path was how the evening went on.

Firstly – half of the guests did not make it to the gathering because they were stuck in bad weather in a bad car – so for the safety of their children they decided to turn around the block and stay at home. Understandable.

This meant I did not get to meet some members of my friends family which I was looking forward to – but it also meant that we had double (if not triple) the food we needed. Fine – I can freeze the leftovers – again, no big deal.

Evening was lovely – we had a blast opening each others presents, everyone seemed happy.

Then – at some point in the evening I quietly realized that we all seem to have made the same classical ‘mistake’ most people do at holiday dinner days. By the time we got together we must have gone a bit too hungry – because we all ate pretty quickly and got seconds or thirds and took a looong break before any of us actually mentioned the dessert. Again- that was fine with me – as I have realized over the course of the dinner that I am so congested I cannot taste anything anyway so the ‘no space for dessert’ did not bother me. I took a nibble of some fudge, realized it did not do much for me and I set it aside.
Come the later hour of the evening – I have noticed self trying to figure out a way of how to bend this *fullness* and somehow get that sensation of ” I think I’d like something sweet ” so that I could say – a-HA! why that is why I made my BAKLAVA! – which I would then offer to smiling loving friends, we would all eat some and be happy together. But – it did not quite happen that way.

I tried to eat a piece and the first bite tasted fantastic. Than – I took an extra fork, and cut a little corner and made my roommate try it. He liked it but was just as full as I was and couldn’t eat any more. Than I made my friends try a nibble – they were all too full to combat such a rich dessert. Anyway -

as the evening was getting wrapped up – my friend and I did some leftover trade and I have felt this strange thing….as if I felt guilty for having offered my friend the Baklava because all of the sudden I realized how much damn SUGAR this thing has in it.
Now – both my friend and I are hefty ladies – and from that aspect I know that any notion (in either of our minds) of ‘we should not eat this’ would readily get stomped by the ‘screw it – baklava or no baklava we are in the bananas already – give a piece ‘ (or something to that note).
But no – it was sort of a lucid moment (or whatever moment) – I have looked down at the pan which was missing only a few pieces (taken away in a doggy bag by my friend’s mother who had skipped out a few minutes earlier) and I watched my friends husband take a couple of slices into a plastic dish ‘for tomorrow’, after which he took a tiny piece just to either satisfy his curiosity or bless his nice self- be considerable towards me for having put all this effort into preparing a load of food that was not consumed. Again – either way – all fine with me. Except -
on the way back home, I have realized what ludicrous thing this ‘prepare a special traditional gift of Baklava for my friends’ is. I have, actually, under having the programming of ‘tradition=good=rewarding=something to be proud of and share’ made a dessert which contains over 2 pounds of sugar in one pan (if you don’t count the other carbs from Fillo dough used) which is in all actuality a MALLET on the pancreas (+ whatever else health hazard, there are plenty) and aside from a simple little “squirt” of spit in the corners of our mouths and a “mm yummy” confirmation of the entitled-for-yummy ego – does absolutely NOTHING positive for me and my friends and is, in all actuality, something downright poisonous. Not in one dose, but just like I wouldn’t toss in a teaspoon of rat poison into their rice, I shouldn’t have fed them this either. So, I am totally and without guilt tossing all the Baklava leftovers I brought home with me (as my friends are to make their own decisions – I will not make efforts to convince them of anything – while I *deeply hope* they decide to not eat it and throw it away as well.) No more cooking like this.

Now all this ties into another story of my roommate telling me my recently acquired food habits.

I am really trying to kick back on obviously bad foods and replacing them with protein shakes from HERBALIFE – NOT because I believe HERBALIFE is some miraculous solution to all life’s problems – but simply because it factually *does* have the nutrients body needs and I am not willing to stand over the stove making sure I cook 5 kinds of fresh vegetables every day in order to feed this organism..so, to me – it is a brand, a good brand, I checked it, liked it and chose it and I am happy with it. Case closed.

Anyway – my roommate said to me that my positive attitude and enthusiasm for this brand is strange because I seem to have joined a ‘cult’. Oh boy do I have plenty to argue on this one… but -

Till next time!
Happy whatever -

Eshi

CONTINUATION:

The Cult I am in…..

This is somewhat of a continuation of the above blog post. So, read back if you haven’t read it – this blog will make more sense.
So, upon returning from the xmas dinner – my roommate and I had a discussion in the car about how people center their traditions around bad food which evolved into both of us reminding ourselves and each other about how we would like to trim down a bit. Now- my roommate is in an excellent shape and decent health except that he has put on perhaps some 10 pounds which conveniently placed themselves in his mid section. I, on the other hand, have some 30 pounds over at least, evenly spread (thanks heavens for that…).
About two months ago I have made a decision to do *something* about this and I have been trying to change some stuff in my diet. I suppose the fact I left my gall bladder in a hospital in Croatia – I figured that would be a nice milestone so I somewhat combined my suggested post-operative diet with this decision. This is about the same time my elementary school desk-mate appeared again in my life after some 18 years (for those  of you who believe everything must have a reason) and he got me to try Herbalife Products (which he himself eats, feeds his daughters with and distributes for living).
I resisted at first because when someone mentions ‘diet’ to me, I usually get so enraged I could eat a gallon of ice cream just to prove to them I don’t have to be on any f* diet. I am not sure how that proof stands, but it surely works for my own ego which not only is the part of me that chooses to do this in the first place – but also dunks my nose right into it when I have those lovely arguments with myself in my head; the ego always readily says ‘you want to be successful? look at yourself, you cannot even put a spoon down!  etc etc…. (everyone has arguments like those with themselves and unfortunately most people identify the voice of that ego to be *who* they are – which is …well….unfortunate however – very easy.)
Herbalife worked for me and I decided to keep taking various products. The key factor for me was they tasted good.
Some immediate changes that happened the first week after replacing breakfast and afternoon snack with Herbalife was – I did not crash after having a meal…no need to nap at all (meaning balanced blood sugar level.) I was actually for the first time in my adult life thirsty for water! (habitually, I would just give myself another kick in the kidneys with another can of orange soda which is an excellent source of chemically formulated quenched thirst feeling for “intellectuals” (including myself here) who don’t give a split thought about the science of human body and regard tingly taste buds to be the point of ingesting something. Finally, I’ve experienced a major thing that first week – and that was loads of energy which was unlike that energy of starting something new and being puppy-excited about it  - I am talking energy that feels right, has a base somewhere and doesn’t feel jittery, emotional, but rather just feels somehow right and there is nothing else more to it. As if ego just STFU and did not have anything to say to talk me out of this food choice, while my body felt relieved getting all this good stuff for once. That was enough for me right there, the very selling point.
So I told a few friends about this discovery and my enthusiasm about it – including my roommate. He said “I am happy for you.” And I said “Thanks!”

Since I started using these products I have had some friends who excitedly asked me to tell them about my experience with Herbalife, some who gave it a shot as well and have plenty of success with it already – even more then I, some who just nodded and giggled at me talking about something I felt particularly excited about (when I shed the first 5 pounds off I was so excited I raved about it all over!), and some who simply bite their lip and don’t say anything.

Back to the ride home from xmas dinner….
After telling my roomate on several occasions about how physically great I feel after I eat my Herbalife breakfast and offering him a sip of the chocolate milkshake (now WHO doesn’t like chocolate milkshake?!) I began to notice his negative attitude towards the whole thing. Up to the point of this car ride, he ever said anything bad about it, however he’s never said anything good about it either which is understandable because he has not tried it. I don’t particularly understand why my roommate doesn’t want to taste some milkshake  I make every day, or at least I did not understand it until this point.
In the car, after he made a statement about his dissatisfaction with his recently accumulated extra pounds – I just flat out asked him “So, why don’t you ever want to taste Herbalife when I make it for myself?”. Please note I did not tell him You should lose weight using Herbalife or something that would make him feel cornered. And I got my response:

“Because it is a CULT!”

Talk about a wet rag over the face feeling. I paused in disbelief. We did not discuss this statement much further, so I can only work from what I call my reasoning based on assumption.

I doubt that he meant to say I am being brainwashed into an organization that exclusively follows a system of common belief rather he might have meant I am “following an interest with exaggerated zeal”. But it still rubs me wrong and feels like a wet rag over the face because I did not expect anyone to make a decision to believe my enthusiasm comes out of a cult mindset, especially not from someone who loves to take pride in being old enough, wise enough and self actualized enough.
Now I feel like something I feel excited about is – not welcome, furthermore, it is considered exaggerated and then it dawned on me – my roommate doesn’t want to taste the chocolate milkshake NOT because he suspects it tastes bad, NOT because he doubts the nutritional value and NOT because he believes he couldn’t use it – but rather…out of a PRINCIPLE. From this point on, my reasoning keeps dragging me into this inner dialogue:

- Principle of what?
Proving a point.
-What point?
That one knows something better.
-What’s the point of that?
It puts other people seemingly ‘in their place’.
-What’s the point of that?
It makes the hamburger cult members feel good.

Wait. Hamburger cult members? rofl
This is how my mind squirts stuff at the poor unsuspecting me. It took me about 3 days to figure out what the hell my mind meant by bringing up ‘hamburger cult’. The first observation I made was that my ego is whimpering in the corner for being called a cult member. It made me laugh. The second observation was the need to think of something that would make me remain comfortable for being called a cult member, now that I’ve realized I’d get placed like that even by the closest of friends.

Hamburger cult. Nobody I know would be offended or in any way emotionally injured if I insisted on them having a bite out of a greasy burger from my favorite burger joint. Nobody I know would give a split thought about having me treat them dinner at some fast food place if they were hungry enough. No friend of mine who has extra weight just like I do (about 80% of my friends admit they are overweight with at least 5 who are already somewhat/plenty ill from being morbidly obese) would come back at me bringing them cake with “You assumed I’d like cake…because…you think I am fat and fat people must eat cake?”…
Why is it so, than, that if I offer something I like which happens to be more than just ‘tastes good’ – all the sudden there comes the principle of NO! and feelings of being hurt because of assumed implications that only people who are ‘not good enough’ and thus ‘need to be fixed’ should eat stuff that is healthy – if not all the time, than at least whenever they can afford to make a conscious choice to do so. There’s only one conclusion, and again, I derive this one from self-examination. Ego. I used to be the person who would pass the dairy isle at the store, see ‘fat free’ sour cream and reach for FULL FAT sour cream – while inside of my head my ego would thrive over self reinforced delusion that somehow I hold higher ground for consciously making a poor choice because the ‘fat free’ mixed with my feelings of self has been marketed to me ad nauseam.
(Who knows, perhaps the fat free marketing serves to sell full fat products as well. )

But, don’t get me wrong. I am not a person who discovered the only righteous path, nor is the cult of Herbalife the magic key to the gates of heaven on earth. Not by a long shot. While I now completely avoid the dairy isle and I am about 80% off of sugar, I still smoke and have relapses in bad food habits. But – I watch it all with a pair of glasses I am not scared to wipe when foggy.

And, as far as cults go… I suppose, we all are a part of some cult. All of our conscious positive decisions start with some enthusiasm which undoubtedly wears off and eventually leaves firm habits behind – whether they are good for us, bad for us, or simply make no damn difference such as whether we wash dishes with a sponge or a towel or which sponge we use to clean the stove. I suppose it’s all about what principles we choose as our crutches. I try to change my habit of principle choice to that which will make me less angry at myself and others.

<3,
Eshi

Human SUpremacy (February 15th 2010)

I was taken to a shopping place that had actual taxidermied animals as decor. The “Great American Hunting Tradition” store where human males and females with great balls (whether figurative or actual) go to satiate their subconscious need to feel potent and in charge of something and spend money on inventory which is 95% made of plastic and is for one time use. (*big self satisfying grin*)
I was taken in there and felt utmost disgust for the fact that there is actually a whole cultural identity connected to our skill to murder an animal for the sake of decor. Man want, man take, man destroy.
The only other moment I can compare with feeling of being inside this shopping place is the moment when I was a young teen and my mother dragged me to her seamstress studio in order to revamp her real fox fur coat. I remember watching her explain what she wanted when a light switch came on in my head and I realized there was absolutely no other need for mother to have a fox fur coat other than to identify herself with whatever imaginary class-of-human she was convinced this dead animal fur would assign to her. She had plenty of nice woolen coats to keep warm and stay fashionable. What was with this? To her defense, though, the coat was 3rd generation and she was probably given this thing by her mother and could not say ‘no’. Anyway- watching my mothers eyes as she was trying to create beauty symbol out of what has flipped to be a symbol of savagery to me- and I couldn’t stop myself from running outside to the parking lot to cry and vomit. As I tell this story, I have real Australian sheep skin boots on my feet and they are keeping me warm. So please don’t feel alone in this criticism. I acknowledge my share of guilt.
I can say wearing clothes made out of animal skin is somewhat justified. Not a happy thought – but canvas sneakers in Wisconsin winter just would not cut it. Eating soybeans for protein instead of meat, same thing – I’d go crazy. But for f*** sake – taxidermy? Hanging a dead deer head on your wall to make decor?

Building a social identity around the cowardice of modern human super-technological ways of affordable, available, pre-packaged “assemble your inner hunter in our MART for a quick killing start”? In 2010?

Taxidermy your damn grandma and decorate your wall with her!

Needless to say – the shoppers in that place could not command their kids that were there, less a hunting dog, nor could they run after any of the murdered animals on display.

To top it off, a friend of mine said that animals are not to be pitied because “they are too dumb to move out of our way” and “animals don’ t have free will”….

Shame Shame Shame Shame……

Short circuitry

There is simply no way for me to write this post without trying to deconstruct some things with the aim of sincerity that will make sense and go beyond the standardized “I am sorry” – I feel like I’ve injured beyond that and while for some I cannot offer relief – at least I can try to write something for those who deal with stuff by transcending the shock and learning the back story instead of slamming the door shut forever and without question. I am very aware of emotional grief some people might feel due to my use and display of Nazi symbols in my most recently exhibited build titled “Second Life – Frei Arbeit Macht Frei.” (Second Life – Free work will set you free.) I am also aware of the shock and disgust people may feel towards me, and I will not complain about that, your reasons make sense to me and I accept them as such. To set a toe into overkill : I am also aware that you and your feelings need no validation and acceptance from me, but there’s no way I’ll crouch down, pussy up and hide in fear what you may say to me now that what’s done is done. I cannot change anything – keep that in mind. And it is certainly not the first, nor the last time I fucked something up. So that’s that.

I react very aggressively to things that displease/hurt/irritate me. I am aware that my reactionary mechanisms aren’t something that goes to my advantage nor do they produce anything constructive most the time. Very rarely I can channel it and turn it around into something positive. This is a part of my makeup and I have to live with that. Sometimes they slip out and my ego lets them. You know….ego….that’s stuff that tells you “let’s burn the bitch, she deserves it”… (when in reality you don’t want to burn anyone – that’s what crazy people do).

Obviously, yesterday and today the gate to push out my frustration was open so I did. I did not filter nor refine things before I invited people to see it in a form of a build. What I did was – I wrapped my frustrations up in the most disgusting wrapper I could think of – the utter shame on humanity – the concentration camp scene where Linden Lab is the exterminator of community, and it’s time for Emerald effort (not people behind it) to be let into smoke. I translated how I felt into something in the outside world. What I did not realize at the time was that by using the symbolism I’ve amplified it to a degree that’s overbearing to majority of people. I also don’t feel like anyone holds particular entitlement to use such scenery. I am not Jewish, and just because I am not – it doesn’t mean I think or feel of the Holocaust as “just another historical event”. Having had a grandparent with a story such as Holocaust survival is not at all something I could deliberately degrade in any way. Some of you know, some of you don’t – I grew up in Croatia during the war and I’ve seen massacred people on TV every night before bed instead of cartoons and I’ve ran to the shelter under threat of bombs and I went to school every day with my mother saying “Don’t go this way – they think there is a sniper in that area.” I wouldn’t take this as a competition of who has more right to be victimized by my disgusting objectification of the sentiments I have towards Linden Labs way of handling Emerald and other community projects I did not objectify with this exhibit – as I simply had no time to build that before I felt I needed to push the “notify people to come see this shit” button.

I look at the Holocaust and embrace it as great misfortune that happened to ALL humanity. And when I say humanity, I don’t mean a number of people present on Earth as individuals, I mean the human consciousness as state of being we all share and have been aiming to tune up and sync since the beginning of our fucked up species. (Of course, with the exception of those who really think that we are all separate and unique to the degree they can put themselves as measure of what ‘normal’ is or should be…you know….people who create Holocausts around the world in one way or another every day.)

Was it a mistake on my part? I see it as a mistake for a few reasons. Firstly and most importantly – I’ve afforded unbelievable stress to my friend Laurence and other people I am currently unaware of….I’ve teleported people into a shock setup on a quiet Tuesday night. Yeah. That’s what I regret. I should have warned them first with a statement describing my sentiments, the way I’ve processed them and how I’ve amplified the representation using symbols that everyone can relate to and is familiar with, and I should have left them with a choice of whether they want to be shocked and disgusted before they go to sleep or they’d prefer to not see it at all. I should have given myself some time to think it over versus just blurting it out like that. Lesson learned. Next time I’ll make sure I lay the responsibility on spectators’ curiosity level. “Some symbols are not to be dug up.” My subconscious impulses that drive me to create stuff in the first place probably did not even reach the scenery taken from war in my country – not because I deliberately and consciously exploited the Holocaust but because the Holocaust itself is even more so carved into the back of my head than the bit of the war I’ve lived and witnessed first hand. That’s really strange and some Croatian nationalists could argue it’s fucked up, but that’s just the way it is stored on my hard drive. Repressed? Maybe….either way…matters not – you get the point. Ban? Yes I got banned from SL for an hour. I violated the policy by using Nazi symbols pinned on me as intolerance. This is my first offense. Using Nazi symbolism is not always intolerance, and most CERATINLY not intolerance in this particular case I can guarantee you that. Bad art and poor taste at best. So, I hope you will accept my sincerest apology for causing your grief – and I do apologize, and I do feel shitty for having assumed that my setup would make apparent sense to anyone.

Eshi Otawara Mix’n'Match Contest

Eshi’s boundless creativity is a hallmark of what makes her one of Second Life’s legendary fashion icons. Now, it’s time to show Eshi your imagination at work!
In this contest, you will need to create, model, and photograph a brand new Eshi design, using parts from at least 3 existing Eshi designs. Sound tough? It is….
Here’s the rules:
1) One entry per person only!
2) Your mix’n'match design must consist of no less than 3 Eshi Otawara outfits.
3) Your Mix’n'Match ensemble must include at least TWO outfits from the 2010 collection (located to the LEFT of the entrance of Eshi Otawara Store) and any number of 2008 collection outfits (located to the RIGHT of the entrance of Eshi Otawara Store).
4) You may NOT use any of the limited releases from Eshi Otawara dress line.
5) You must post your image to Flickr “Eshi <3″ group, titled with “Eshi Mix’n'Match Contest + Your Name”  (url: http://www.flickr.com/groups/1432867@N20/)
6) Your image needs to be at least 1024×1024 pixels in size.
No one loves a work of art like the artist, so the challenge is to see who can deconstruct and re-arrange their favorite Eshi designs to create a unique look. You are welcome to resize the attachments, change attachment points and tint them another color – to give you a few ideas of how to approach this challenge.
Top 5 chosen designers will be announced under their submissions in the Eshi<3 Flickr group on Friday 1st October as well as in person via IM.
The official end of this contest is Sunday, October 3rd at 1 PM SLT when the top 5 chosen designs will be invited to participate in a mini catwalk followed by a live music performance of Craig Lyons. The winner announcement will be made at the end of the event!
The lucky winner will get a custom one of a kind colored outfit from any existing outfits at the store and the winning design will be made into a new release with the winner’s name on it as a co-designer. The winning image will be used to represent Eshi Otawara brand in Craig Lyons’ soon to be released fan magazine as well as be displayed at Eshi’s store for a month after the contest.
Have fun and good luck!

Eshi’s boundless creativity is a hallmark of what makes her one of Second Life’s legendary fashion icons. Now, it’s time to show Eshi your imagination at work!
In this contest, you will need to create, model, and photograph a brand new Eshi design, using parts from at least 3 existing Eshi designs. Sound tough? It is….
Here’s the rules: 1) One entry per person only! 2) Your mix’n'match design must consist of no less than 3 Eshi Otawara outfits. 3) Your Mix’n'Match ensemble must include at least TWO outfits from the 2010 collection (located to the LEFT of the entrance of Eshi Otawara Store) and any number of 2008 collection outfits (located to the RIGHT of the entrance of Eshi Otawara Store).4) You may NOT use any of the limited releases from Eshi Otawara dress line.5) You must post your image to Flickr “Eshi <3″ group, titled with “Eshi Mix’n'Match Contest + Your Name”  (url: http://www.flickr.com/groups/1432867@N20/)6) Your image needs to be at least 1024×1024 pixels in size.
No one loves a work of art like the artist, so the challenge is to see who can deconstruct and re-arrange their favorite Eshi designs to create a unique look. You are welcome to resize the attachments, change attachment points and tint them another color – to give you a few ideas of how to approach this challenge.

Top 5 chosen designers will be announced under their submissions in the Eshi<3 Flickr group on Friday 1st October as well as in person via IM.The official end of this contest is Sunday, October 3rd at 1 PM SLT when the top 5 chosen designs will be invited to participate in a mini catwalk followed by a live music performance of Craig Lyons. The winner announcement will be made at the end of the event! The lucky winner will get a custom one of a kind colored outfit from any existing outfits at the store and the winning design will be made into a new release with the winner’s name on it as a co-designer. The winning image will be used to represent Eshi Otawara brand in Craig Lyons’ soon to be released fan magazine as well as be displayed at Eshi’s store for a month after the contest.
Have fun and good luck!

find Eshi Otawara on http://www.eshiotawara.com