This is somewhat of a continuation of the above blog post. So, read back if you haven’t read it – this blog will make more sense.
So, upon returning from the xmas dinner – my roommate and I had a discussion in the car about how people center their traditions around bad food which evolved into both of us reminding ourselves and each other about how we would like to trim down a bit. Now- my roommate is in an excellent shape and decent health except that he has put on perhaps some 10 pounds which conveniently placed themselves in his mid section. I, on the other hand, have some 30 pounds over at least, evenly spread (thanks heavens for that…).
About two months ago I have made a decision to do *something* about this and I have been trying to change some stuff in my diet. I suppose the fact I left my gall bladder in a hospital in Croatia – I figured that would be a nice milestone so I somewhat combined my suggested post-operative diet with this decision. This is about the same time my elementary school desk-mate appeared again in my life after some 18 years (for those of you who believe everything must have a reason) and he got me to try Herbalife Products (which he himself eats, feeds his daughters with and distributes for living).
I resisted at first because when someone mentions ‘diet’ to me, I usually get so enraged I could eat a gallon of ice cream just to prove to them I don’t have to be on any f* diet. I am not sure how that proof stands, but it surely works for my own ego which not only is the part of me that chooses to do this in the first place – but also dunks my nose right into it when I have those lovely arguments with myself in my head; the ego always readily says ‘you want to be successful? look at yourself, you cannot even put a spoon down! etc etc…. (everyone has arguments like those with themselves and unfortunately most people identify the voice of that ego to be *who* they are – which is …well….unfortunate however – very easy.)
Herbalife worked for me and I decided to keep taking various products. The key factor for me was they tasted good.
Some immediate changes that happened the first week after replacing breakfast and afternoon snack with Herbalife was – I did not crash after having a meal…no need to nap at all (meaning balanced blood sugar level.) I was actually for the first time in my adult life thirsty for water! (habitually, I would just give myself another kick in the kidneys with another can of orange soda which is an excellent source of chemically formulated quenched thirst feeling for “intellectuals” (including myself here) who don’t give a split thought about the science of human body and regard tingly taste buds to be the point of ingesting something. Finally, I’ve experienced a major thing that first week – and that was loads of energy which was unlike that energy of starting something new and being puppy-excited about it - I am talking energy that feels right, has a base somewhere and doesn’t feel jittery, emotional, but rather just feels somehow right and there is nothing else more to it. As if ego just STFU and did not have anything to say to talk me out of this food choice, while my body felt relieved getting all this good stuff for once. That was enough for me right there, the very selling point.
So I told a few friends about this discovery and my enthusiasm about it – including my roommate. He said “I am happy for you.” And I said “Thanks!”
Since I started using these products I have had some friends who excitedly asked me to tell them about my experience with Herbalife, some who gave it a shot as well and have plenty of success with it already – even more then I, some who just nodded and giggled at me talking about something I felt particularly excited about (when I shed the first 5 pounds off I was so excited I raved about it all over!), and some who simply bite their lip and don’t say anything.
Back to the ride home from xmas dinner….
After telling my roomate on several occasions about how physically great I feel after I eat my Herbalife breakfast and offering him a sip of the chocolate milkshake (now WHO doesn’t like chocolate milkshake?!) I began to notice his negative attitude towards the whole thing. Up to the point of this car ride, he ever said anything bad about it, however he’s never said anything good about it either which is understandable because he has not tried it. I don’t particularly understand why my roommate doesn’t want to taste some milkshake I make every day, or at least I did not understand it until this point.
In the car, after he made a statement about his dissatisfaction with his recently accumulated extra pounds – I just flat out asked him “So, why don’t you ever want to taste Herbalife when I make it for myself?”. Please note I did not tell him You should lose weight using Herbalife or something that would make him feel cornered. And I got my response:
“Because it is a CULT!”
Talk about a wet rag over the face feeling. I paused in disbelief. We did not discuss this statement much further, so I can only work from what I call my reasoning based on assumption.
I doubt that he meant to say I am being brainwashed into an organization that exclusively follows a system of common belief rather he might have meant I am “following an interest with exaggerated zeal”. But it still rubs me wrong and feels like a wet rag over the face because I did not expect anyone to make a decision to believe my enthusiasm comes out of a cult mindset, especially not from someone who loves to take pride in being old enough, wise enough and self actualized enough.
Now I feel like something I feel excited about is – not welcome, furthermore, it is considered exaggerated and then it dawned on me – my roommate doesn’t want to taste the chocolate milkshake NOT because he suspects it tastes bad, NOT because he doubts the nutritional value and NOT because he believes he couldn’t use it – but rather…out of a PRINCIPLE. From this point on, my reasoning keeps dragging me into this inner dialogue:
- Principle of what?
Proving a point.
-What point?
That one knows something better.
-What’s the point of that?
It puts other people seemingly ‘in their place’.
-What’s the point of that?
It makes the hamburger cult members feel good.
Wait. Hamburger cult members? rofl
This is how my mind squirts stuff at the poor unsuspecting me. It took me about 3 days to figure out what the hell my mind meant by bringing up ‘hamburger cult’. The first observation I made was that my ego is whimpering in the corner for being called a cult member. It made me laugh. The second observation was the need to think of something that would make me remain comfortable for being called a cult member, now that I’ve realized I’d get placed like that even by the closest of friends.
Hamburger cult. Nobody I know would be offended or in any way emotionally injured if I insisted on them having a bite out of a greasy burger from my favorite burger joint. Nobody I know would give a split thought about having me treat them dinner at some fast food place if they were hungry enough. No friend of mine who has extra weight just like I do (about 80% of my friends admit they are overweight with at least 5 who are already somewhat/plenty ill from being morbidly obese) would come back at me bringing them cake with “You assumed I’d like cake…because…you think I am fat and fat people must eat cake?”…
Why is it so, than, that if I offer something I like which happens to be more than just ‘tastes good’ – all the sudden there comes the principle of NO! and feelings of being hurt because of assumed implications that only people who are ‘not good enough’ and thus ‘need to be fixed’ should eat stuff that is healthy – if not all the time, than at least whenever they can afford to make a conscious choice to do so. There’s only one conclusion, and again, I derive this one from self-examination. Ego. I used to be the person who would pass the dairy isle at the store, see ‘fat free’ sour cream and reach for FULL FAT sour cream – while inside of my head my ego would thrive over self reinforced delusion that somehow I hold higher ground for consciously making a poor choice because the ‘fat free’ mixed with my feelings of self has been marketed to me ad nauseam.
(Who knows, perhaps the fat free marketing serves to sell full fat products as well. )
But, don’t get me wrong. I am not a person who discovered the only righteous path, nor is the cult of Herbalife the magic key to the gates of heaven on earth. Not by a long shot. While I now completely avoid the dairy isle and I am about 80% off of sugar, I still smoke and have relapses in bad food habits. But – I watch it all with a pair of glasses I am not scared to wipe when foggy.
And, as far as cults go… I suppose, we all are a part of some cult. All of our conscious positive decisions start with some enthusiasm which undoubtedly wears off and eventually leaves firm habits behind – whether they are good for us, bad for us, or simply make no damn difference such as whether we wash dishes with a sponge or a towel or which sponge we use to clean the stove. I suppose it’s all about what principles we choose as our crutches. I try to change my habit of principle choice to that which will make me less angry at myself and others.
<3,
Eshi